I am hired to inspire. I also write a little blog now and then to remind y'all I'm here. Routinely very short...like my attention span. But I've skipped a few months. I have not felt very inspired since my house burned down in the California wildfires. I've decided to dedicate this blog to the times we aren't inspired or inspiring.
Now don't get me wrong- there has been mind boggling levels of love and kindness and generosity here. I so want to share the many beautiful stories the fire has brought me, but I'm just tired.
I believe that often in our darkest times, we feel the need to only show our rosy, positive, sunny sides. Somehow make things that are pure sadness, light and funny and more palatable for others, or maybe more palatable for ourselves. But there are times in all our lives when we truly lose the foundation of who we are. Floating with no home base, perhaps literally, or perhaps figuratively. There are times we lose absolutely everything.
Above is a sad and powerful photo of my daughters taken at a sad and powerful time. They are standing where they should be sleeping this night before Christmas. I am not going to make light of that. We want to go home so badly it hurts.
For me, when life is too overwhelming...I want to nap. I want to bury my troubles in spaghetti bolognese and cover up with a super soft blanket with Jack Johnson singing to me in the background.
In my life coaching, we call this square one. You dissolve like a caterpillar in a cocoon. Truly allow yourself to melt down and dissolve. The current term that comes after is self care. What do you need? A soft blanket, a massage, binge watching 2 seasons of stranger things on Netflix? What do you need?
You do not know what the hell is going on and that is okay. It is okay not to be okay.
California, Houston, Puerto Rico, Las Vegas...and thousands of other places and people; its okay to have your time. Do what feels right for you each day. Take it at the pace that feels right for you and you alone. Socialize or don't. Exercise or rest. Answer the phone or let it go to voicemail. It's okay to respect your version of self care. And to be able to genuinely move forward, this is a step you cannot skip. To become something new, first you must let go of what you were. Letting go is painful and complicated. You will be different after. You may look the same to others, but you will be different.
This is trauma, and no one can shame you, or guilt you, or joke you out of this phase. You will know when you are ready to move forward.
Until then,
Twas the Night Before Christmas, and wherever this finds you-
I wish you peace,
and a safe place to rest,
...and to all, a good night
Image Credit: www.lauraschneiderphoto.com