I love zumba. I always say that it's like going out dancing with your girlfriends, minus the cocktails. So...I'm zumba-ing: a shimmy here and a shake there, when my knee does a zing. Nothing huge and horrible, but definitely a zing. So you know what I did? I left. I prioritized my knee hurting over worry that I'd offend the instructor, others would wonder why I'm bailing, the fact that I'd already paid and taken the time and effort to get there... I listened to my body.
As I walked out, I thought...good for me, I listened to my body, over the fear of judgement and shoulds. That's taken time and practice. I know it's a small example, but we need to start small. I had to relearn that. Because we really are like those childhood cartoons where there is the little devil on one shoulder and the little angel on the other.
As you start paying attention, the devil is not sitting on your shoulder. Your devil is that voice in your mind. That voice is not you... because well, it's talking to you. It's shoulding all over you. It's telling you that you should stay where it's safe, you aren't worth it, you won't be accepted, risks are dangerous, the future is uncertain. Your critics are right. Stay small. Don't change. Don't want more. There is so much to fear. Everyone judges you. You are going to run out. You will fail. And you most certainly are going to die alone on a couch, with no one there but your cat...who won't really care.
So I write you today, to challenge you to duct tape the mouth of your little meanie devil and move down about 18 inches. CHALLENGING shift if you are up to the task, but mandatory for true happiness. You see, fact is that your angel lives in your heart. It's the feeling in your gut. It's trying to tell you the way to your truth, your happiness, your joy and passions. It's in your body. Your what? Uh oh, yes I said your body. The one you don't really like? Yes that body. It knows the way, but you have to slow down and listen to the very thing you've learned to ignore. I told you it's a battle. It's your sweet quieter angel. So it takes reflection and stillness to hear the quieter voice. The current term in being mindful. Aware. Paying attention.
Your devil mind is so much louder. It's full of your rules you've picked up along the way through life. Good people stay married. No matter what. Stay in that life sucking job so as to use the degree you worked so hard for. Stay in the house after your spouse died. Keep your toxic family in your life. Retire, even though you still love your job. Don't defy your religion, your family, your boss, your colleagues, societal norms, friends...your collective "everyone."
SO loud.
SO powerful.
Then there comes a day when you realize where the unkind voice in your mind led you. It seems the only person you were willing to defy...was you.
SO sad
SO powerful
My mentor Martha Beck stresses that truth feels like freedom. Your truth might not be the easy way, but I promise you- happiness lies in going the direction of the still,quiet voice inside of you. It knows.
When you are bold enough to choose in favor of your passions, those ideas and feelings have wings.
like an angel.